Lamentations 3:52-58
52. My enemies without cause
Hunted me down like a bird
I’m reading this passage and I’m thinking, “Wow, I’ve been there, and not that long ago.” I think we read this stuff and think about the enemies as being people. But they aren’t always people.
I can’t think what I did wrong but everything seems to be falling apart. Nothing is working out. One thing after another. One child, moving away. Another, floundering far away. Another, dealing with every kind of evil and yet another lies in a hospital fighting for her life. My little one, still needing me very much and at a tender age delicate, with teeth decaying as they emerge. My life, an exhausting whirlwind. My husband works and works and works. He doesn’t look at me anymore. I have more troubles than time. I drive here and I drive there. I drive and drive and drive. I drive to visit grandchildren living in rubble and filth. I drive to visit a child in need of uplifting. I drive to sit hours beside one so young and so afraid. To sit and hold her hand through the night. I try to find something interesting to draw me away from my troubles. I try one thing and another but nothing helps. Troubles surround me.
53. They silenced my life in the pit
And threw stones at me.
I felt the judgments of all the years drowning my dignity, my rights. I felt those who could be comfort, turn their heads away. I felt the struggle of others, not enemies, but others connected to my troubles, fighting against their own tides. Pushing against me as they struggle to understand the long terrifying battle of death by disease. Everyone struggling to hold up their heads. To believe in life and healing. To believe a lie that isn’t happening. Everyone stumbling over themselves on top of me pressing me lower and lower. Grinding me into oblivion. Yet I remembered one thing. “Don’t leave me Momma, stay with me to the end, you promise.” I remember these words. This plea and I stay. I stay to the end. I stay.
54. The waters flowed over my head;
I said, “I am cut off!”
My little one and my husband look at me in my pit, as water covers my head. They have fear and pity and confusion in their gaze. I sink lower and lower. There is a gulf between us. They try to be understanding but they are grieving too. The children have left and gone to their own worlds again and I am left alone in the pit. I try to talk but the words mix up. I try to write but it hurts too much. I try to enjoy life but I’m in a warp and it twists my view and my grasp. I have become twisted, angry, bitter, scorned, lonely, useless, base.
55. I called on Your name, O Lord,
From the lowest pit
So I called Your name, Lord. I called Your name. Others gave me other names and places and groups to reach out to. Classes and medicines, activities. But I called Your name and only Your name. I called on Your name day and night from the bottom of the pit I was drowning in.
56. You have heard my voice:
“Do not hide Your ear
From my sighing, from my cry for help.”
And you heard me. You heard everything. You knew I would survive and be ok. You knew. But you still listened to me. You heard my complaints and my anger and my hatred. You listened to my frustrations and confusion. You heard my every whisper and every mournful cry. It was as one long groan towards you. My groans were twisted. My pleas for help distorted. My language pitiful, despicable. I bossed you and begged you and pleaded you and charged you. I reminded you that you used to let me hear the angels sing and now I hear devils moan.
57. You drew near on the day I called on You,
And said, “Do not fear!”
You held me and rocked me and comforted me. “There, there,” you said gently, softly, “you will be all right.” You reached your hand to me and came down into the pit and wept with me. You lay on my bed and held my head as I cried until no more tears would come. You comforted me. You stayed with me. You walked for me and stood for me and held me up when I could no longer stand. You whispered in my ear that courage would come again.
58. O Lord, You have pleaded the case for my soul;
You have redeemed my life.
I didn’t drown. I didn’t stay in the pit. You took my life to the Father and my soul is restored.
Psalms 23:3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
You set me in a church among people who are just like you, with whom I worship you. You rescue the little ones and place them in the church and give them meaning. Each one is baptized and dedicated. They love your house.
Psalm 111:1 Praise the Lord!
I will praise the Lord with my whole heart,
In the assembly of the upright and in the congregation.
