Courage

I was listening to Chloe read. She was reading from her fourth grade reader. We sat across from each other in the dining room. I had the curriculum open to the lesson. I was knitting. Chloe is getting another pair of socks. She loves the first pair I knit for her so much I’m knitting them again in a different color and a different design. She reads strong and clear with expression above her age. I love listening to her read. I try to stay completely focused on her story. If I wander in my thoughts then I won’t be able to guide her through the discussion later. She was reading and it was a really nice story about a boy learning the meaning of responsibility. The story was full of choices and courage, set in the last century farming community. And I’m totally bawling my eyes out, listening. These teenage boys want to be mature and take on grown up duties. They love their school and take on extra challenges. They make hard choices to sacrifice a dream to work for the common good of the family. They remind me of my brothers. They are pushing themselves beyond their abilities and it seems that it will be too much for them. Then the community notices and tractors fill their fields and the job gets done and the boys are spoken to like men. I’m loosing it, emptying the tissue box, all over the table. Chloe keeps reading. It was a time when a man’s job was to be envied. Children wanted to grow up and become men and women. It takes courage and discipline to become men and women. It doesn’t take anything at all to just grow up, but to really become mature takes courage. It takes denial. It takes sacrifice for the common good of the family, church, community. It takes love.

I had no idea I would be so sensitive. Perhaps it’s my age, perhaps it is that I’m really tired. I’ve been pushing myself to reach beyond, to stretch the boundaries of my capabilities physically. I’ve been saying to myself that it won’t do to sit down and wait for death. Get up and get at it and stay alive, be alive. Accomplish something. Treasure the days. I got rid of my lazy-boy chair. I didn’t buy it or even want it. I never had it in my mind that I needed a lazy-boy chair. It was given to me years ago and when it got old I was given another one. So this spring when I was talking to myself about my habits I decided to give that lazy chair away. I would put myself into that chair and it wasn’t really comfortable unless it was reclined. Then I would nearly fall asleep. It was such a lot of effort to get out of it that I generally just stayed in it for the duration. Anyway, I bought myself a small upright wing-back chair. For the short-time I’m in the living room it is so easy to sit down and stand up. No levers or moving parts. Small so that their is more space in the room now. I don’t miss that lazy chair at all. I stay busy all day with usual duties and when we are done with the day we relax on the couch for a few minutes and then go to bed. In the mornings after I do my early chores I don’t go into the living room to sit and drink my coffee any more. I take my coffee right here to my computer and start typing. It has changed my whole life around. Starting with the decision to get rid of the lazy chair.

Anytime anyone wants to change a habit and develop a new one it takes courage. Growing up takes courage. Being grateful takes courage. All the good stuff takes courage and growing. Their was a reason why I began to form old habits, the ones I’m breaking from now. I sat down. Their was a reason for this. Changing that habit means taking a good look at why I sat down and dealing with it. When I quit smoking it was the same thing. I had to change my habit but I also had to address the very deep intimate reason why I had begun to smoke in the first place. Beginning to quit an old habit isn’t as hard as seeing it all the way through to a new habit. It causes an upheaval in the structure of ones psyche. It takes courage to take a good look at ones self and make the hard choices. Usually it’s about something completely different. The boys in Chloe’s story hadn’t developed any bad habits yet. They were developing character through courage because of the strength of the relationship in their family. Courage may be about finding strength to endure a situation and handle it in an honorable way. Debbie found the courage to honor God with her cancer and her brother and sisters found the courage to surround her with their love when it wasn’t easy or pleasant. Courage in an adult is a noble thing. But to see courage in a child is one of the most beautiful things in this life. It should be named with the seven wonders. Very often courage is about sacrifice for the good of others, family, community, etc. This kind of courage is the most honorable and sometimes gets the title of hero. I think it is wonderful to point out the courage in children when you see it. Give the child a hero badge. Let them know you saw them make that sacrifice. Let them know that courage is a beautiful thing and that we all need it and learn from each other. Courage doesn’t mean that you aren’t afraid, it means that you were afraid and did it anyway. It’s also ok to have tears when you read about courage.

Elizabeth Williams - daily writing exercise - 1,007 words