Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Gratitude - Dec 30th

Today I'm grateful for my chickens.  How many mornings I would have stayed in bed.  Especially during the dark days of December when everyone is on holiday from their regular work, sleeping until all hours of the morning.  Not me though,  I must get up before the sun to let those chickens out.  It could easily be argued that an electric door on a timer would be great.  Yet I'm grateful for that moment I get when I open the door and watch them as they race out to be the first in the new day.  The first to the feeding dish.  The first to get water.  To get first dibbs on the nesting boxes.  Pushing past each other and cutting each other off.  Sometimes even pecking sharply on another hen.  The squawks and antics, makes me smile.  I take care of their simple needs and it only takes a few minutes.  I feel their gratitude and I'm ready to start my day.  Now most days I get up much earlier than they do so in the late spring when the days are long and the sun rises early I'll be ready for them.  I will already be awake, writing at my desk.  The chickens give my days a little bit more meaning and I'm grateful for that.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Gratitude, Dec 29th

Today I'm writing about how grateful I am for my daughters.
My daughters teach me about love.  I didn't really know love until I experienced it from my daughters.  Sharing their lives with me, the moments, the pains, the triumphs, both big and small.  Phone calls, texts and kind words.  Pictures.  Laughter and tears.  Their love pulls me to heights I had not known.  I have never loved anyone the way my daughters love me.  When I think about my daughters my heart is filled with gratitude.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Gratitude, Dec 28th

I am grateful for my husband.  Not in a general overall kind of blanket way.  I am grateful for a specific characteristic.  It's not as though he were perfect, because he is not.  Not that he is always sweet and nice because he is not always that either.  It is because our life is boring.  Exactly.  I'm grateful because my husband has brought a type of sameness to my days.  Every day, every week, every month, predictable,  peaceful, uneventful, void of drama.  There is plenty to do, don't misunderstand this.  It's the kind of ordinary, mundane, taking care of each other kind of activity.  I thoroughly resisted this kind of life at first and I gave him lots of grief.  I was used to troubles, upheaval and distress.  When I met him I was being treated for severe anxiety and was in a serious state of physical dysfunction.  Not just myself, but all of us.  At first we brought our dysfunction into his world and he responded with dysfunction.  Like I said, he isn't perfect.  Yet gradually, as the years rolled by, our lives have settled into a routine.  I have only to decide how to use my time wisely and our little bit of money.  Though he takes care of spending the latter, for the most part.  As a result I have found healing and courage.  Boredom is imperative to creativity.  I began to fill my days within the confines of my life.  As I expand, I do so from within the boundaries of my small plot.  I know when to get up and when to go to bed.  When to prepare meals and wash laundry.  Which days to buy food and when to go to Church.  Because of this I can plan my writing and teaching to give me time for everything.  I can choose to reject that which weakens me and embrace that which strengthens.  The peacefulness of my days is inspiring.  I can make mistakes and correct them.  I can finally find out who I am and what I want to do.  It having nothing to do with money.  My husband gives everything everyday but expects nothing.  He leaves me free to choose and I choose to give everything to this life, to this peace.  This is my gratitude for my husband, this mysterious man that I live with.

Inconsistent

I'm terribly inconsistent.
Consistently inconsistent.
But my inconsistencies are consistent.
It may be an inconsistent trend,
or is it trendy inconsistency?
I have been inconsistent my whole life.
The same inconsistencies I had when I was younger
I have today.
Sounds consistent.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Gratitude Journal - Day 1

I've heard a lot about Gratitude Journals but never really bought into it.  I suppose you could say that I was resisting it.  I thought I was thankful and that's the same thing, right?  I must be curios about it though since I was paying attention to other peoples gratitudes.  Then one day, just before Christmas, I saw a journal in a store.  It is black, faux leather and college ruled.  I held it in my hands and it fit.  A Gratitude Journal came to mind and I held it reverently.  On the way home I decided to wait until January the first to begin and I would try to write in it every day.  My morning pages told about my journal and I explained everything in there.  Morning pages is where you write 500 or more words as early as possible in the mornings.  I tell things in there which are top on my mind and I explore ideas.  Morning pages is one of the best things to happen to me in a long while.  I wrote about gratitude and it being specific and what I hoped to learn from it.  I picked up the black journal and held it lovingly.  Two days after Christmas it rained torrents.   Water filled and overflowed every spot it could.  I stepped through the farm gate to start my chores and my foot sunk into a water-filled hole.  I looked proudly at my boots and took a picture.

December 27, 2015
I wasn't going to write in my journal yet but I will have to say that I'm grateful for my boots and today I am beginning my Gratitude Journal.

My boots are new boots and they kept the water out.  There was a lot of mud and other dirt in the water because it is a barn yard.  My old boots would not have kept the water out.  They had cracks in them.  We looked a long time for these boots because it is hard to find good sturdy boots in my size.  My new boots are just right and are comfortable and dry on the inside.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

I Fell

I’ve finished my chores and now have other safer chores to do. I fell. I misjudged the distance I needed to swing my leg over the fence and got my foot all tangled up in it. The fall was inevitable so I made a quick assessment and decided to throw myself over the fence out of the duck pen. Falling into the duck pen would be like falling into a pig pen. I landed on my hip and thumb. My thumb still hurts but my hip is ok. I landed in such a heap with my foot all twisted up in the fence. Immediately I could feel the wet mud on my skin.  I hate falling in mud.  Regular mud is not as bad though as duck pen mud. I couldn’t straighten my foot without getting up and falling back into the duck pen. Fortunately I didn’t land on my butt this time but managed to stay up on the one free foot so that I could untangle myself. Every year I have an allotment of falls. This is the first one for this winter. I haven’t kept track of the yearly number so I don’t know how many I have left. I try to be careful yet somehow I end up falling. I try to remember to walk carefully on the deck, in the wet or icy weather, to step carefully over the fences and to look where I’m going. I’m thankful that I haven’t broken anything. Not even the fence. It’s one of those portable nylon electric fences that you can plug in if you want to. I know you are trying to picture me all tangled up in the fence, laying in the mud. I will have to sketch that out because it always happens when I’m alone out there with no one to take a picture. A sketch will be much more fun anyway.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

A List

Today I have things to do.
God is good.
I do have things to do.
I have Christmas cookies to frost;
another batch of cookies to mix up;
gingerbread, for the gingerbread house/church;
a load of laundry to wash;
slice the bread and freeze it;
vacuum the downstairs;
fold the towels and wash cloths that are in the dryer;
sweep the back porch;
make the beds;
ironing;
library;
grocery store;
walk;
mail the Christmas cards;
knit snowmen for the grand kids.  

Having a list of things to do means that you have a life.
It means that you have something.
What ever your list is, you have it because you are meant to live this day.
You are caring for yourself, you may have someone or a few someones to care for.
You may have somewhere to go,
people to see,
things to do.
You are alive and you have a job, or many jobs.
Life is good.
God is good.
You are still here and you have a list of things to do.
I am still here,
and I have things to do.
God is good.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Speak

Speak

The road is long
When you are in it.

Speak faith.

The day is dark
When you begin it

Speak courage

The hills are high
When you stare up at them

Speak hope

The valleys low
When you are beginning

Speak gently

The ground is hard
When you have fallen

Speak healing

The night is noisy
When you can’t sleep

Speak peace

Speak love

The good that you seek is in you.
Courage and faith
Hope and healing
Peace and love
Are in you


Speak grace